six years

can you tell a difference in this little boy's eyes? the first two pictures are from last fall. just before we moved up here to washington. the third picture is about a month into therapy and "new hope academy." i can tell a HUGE difference. his smile is way more genuine and real... not forced and trying to be someone he is not. we still get that forced smile. but it's not the only smile he has now! and his eyes have a light in them now... whereas before, they were usually empty.


there is a little boy in there... he's just starting to show it... sometimes!

six years ago today, i had my first baby. cameron and i had a rough start... i had a rough adjustment to being a mom. he was a HARD baby. very high maintenance. he cried A LOT! i had him in the doctors office every month after he turned 2 months old... i remember telling the doctor, "ever since he got his first immunizations, he is so fussy and cries all the time!!!" he didn't believe me. i don't know what happened. but i do know that i struggled to enjoy being a mom. i struggled over losing sleep, over having someone else to take care of 24/7, over not feeling much support or understanding from my husband. (i'm not ripping on tyler. he just didn't "get" why i didn't LOVE being a mom and why i needed help- all the time). it was hard for me. cameron drained me... for 5 1/2 long years, he drained me.

but we are on the up-swing. our relationship is getting better. i can truly say i love him more now than i ever have. and this process of having a child with rad is more about changing me. not him. it's about teaching me to slow down. to simplify. to teach my children to be respectful and obedient. to rely on the lord. to pray. attend the temple. study my scriptures. use the spirit DAILY. this process is way more about me than him. and i can honestly say, i really am changing. i love you cam!

what a blessing he is. we love you cam!