Camp and Moving

I wish I would have kept up on this blog for the past few months. Life has been a whirlwind for us lately with going to RAD camp in Northern Washington and then moving to Utah right after. We found a place to live and have moved in and settled for the most part. It is a huge adjustment for me mostly! I still feel out of place, in transition, finding my norm, etc. I have come to learn that I don't do change very well, just like my Cami.

Cameron is doing pretty well, considering all of the change we have gone through. He attends New Hope during the week and I volunteer there once per week. I wish I could do more, but with three other kids at home, I don't really have that option at this point.

I'll go back to camp for a moment so I can document what I remember... wish I would have done this before now.

We spent 6 days up in Valley, Washington with our family at a family bonding camp, specifically for families that have kids with RAD. It was an awesome experience and so good for us to all attend together. My Mom flew in from Salt Lake to be there to help with our other kids since we wanted to be sure to get the most out of the seminars we would be attending there.

Nancy Thomas was amazing. She is seriously a gift sent from Heaven for people that have children that suffer from RAD. We did lots of family activities, and depending on the kids behavior and choices, they were able to participate. Cameron actually did very well at camp. But we expected that because of the all the work we have done during the past year. Isaac had spent a week at New Hope while we were in Utah, and so he was great at camp too. Macey was our challenging one. :) She would deliberately not listen to Mom or Dad (when we would ask her to fold her arms, or eat her breakfast, or come here, etc). So she spent a lot of time with the "Flight Check" crew. The Flight Check crew is basically there to take your kids from you when they aren't being obedient and respectful (at your expectation). They take them, try to get their brains to shift, have them process through what happened and what they can do to make it up to their parents). If it was during meal time, the children went to eat with the Flight Check crew during the remainder of the meal. They had lost the privilege of eating with the family. About half way during the week, the Flight Check crew starts turning that responsibility over to the parents to learn how to deal with it when it happens at home (and you can't have your kids go with the Flight Check crew). We really had done all of this before we went to camp. It's exactly what New Hope does, so we knew all about it. :) Well, Macey would be asked to do something, refuse to do it, pretend she didn't hear you, or whatever. So she would go with the Flight Check crew. She would comply once with the Flight Check crew and do her jumping jacks, tell them what she did, etc., come back and do the same thing 5 minutes later. So, after a day, they talked to me about "pouching her." Here is an explanation of it:

We are basically doing the same training we did with Cameron and Isaac, but with Macey now. Since she is so young, the way to "treat" the behavior issues is to carry them with you all of the time. They don't get any choices, privileges, etc. I chose to carry her in a Moby Wrap. You are ideally supposed to carry them for 4-6 hours per day, only getting out for about 30 minutes, twice per day, for exercise. You are even supposed to feed them their meals. Extreme? Yes. Can I do it exactly like that? NO! I have four kids. One suffering from RAD already, one 4 year old that is finally obedient and respectful, one two year old I carry around on my stomach all day, not to mention my 7 month old that should be carried a lot during the day too. So, I do what I can. :) I have basically come up with the plan that I need to just pouch her when she is defiant. If she starts to argue, throw a fit, ignore me, be sassy, she goes in "the pouch" for an hour or two. Then we get out and try again. We are also working through some things with Avery, so ideally, I should be "pouching" her for the same amount of hours each day.

Now, I am not SuperMom. Pouching a screaming, pinching, two year old (sometimes) can get very draining. I start to get ornery, cranky, lose patience, etc, which sort of defeats my whole purpose in all of this. So I have to take breaks, give myself some time, etc. So when she isn't pouched, she is in a boundary with an activity that I choose. Not her. She misses out on fun things like, playing at the splash park, playing with cousins and siblings, playing with fun toys and activities... this week she has missed out on all of that. Even running through a sprinkler with her brothers. But, until she is consistently obedient and respectful, she won't be participating in fun activities like that at all. Sounds extreme, right? It is, but IT WORKS! Eventually, she will decide she wants her independence and doesn't want to be stuck on or by Mom all day, every day. We just have to wait her out. So good for her!

We were at a family party a few weeks ago, and Macey said she wanted a brownie. I went to get her one, and a family friend offered Macey her brownie because she wasn't going to eat it. Macey snottily pushed the brownie away and said, "No." I gave her back the brownie and told her she could either choose that brownie or none. She rudely pushed it away again, and so I took it away and said, "Bummer Macey. I guess you don't want a brownie." She started to cry and get upset, and a few seconds later, I offered her the brownie again. She gladly accepted. :) People thought it was so sad and mean of me. But I am all done with the behaviors like that. If I don't put up with that from my other kids, why should I put up with it from my 2 1/2 year old? Yes, Cameron and Isaac are older. But I am not waiting until she is 5, like I did with Cameron. She KNOWS exactly what she is doing. When the Flight Check people would ask her what happened, she knew exactly what she had done that wasn't okay with Mom or Dad. She was deliberately disobeying.

No, Macey does not have RAD (although some days, I swear she does). But like the ladies at New Hope say, "Behavior is Behavior. You treat it the same." The difference is, Macey doesn't have fear behind these choices she is making. She does it because she is 2 and defiant and pushing boundaries. And YES, she is head strong, feisty, and spunky. She doesn't have any big feelings behind the choices. No fear of losing control like Cameron had. No fear behind the tantrums. No scary raging. Only 2 year old defiance. :) She will learn a lot quicker than Cameron did. :)

So I am pretty worn out a lot of the time, not nearly as patient, and don't live my "perfect, quiet life" that I sort of had in Washington. I have learned that I need to put the fun back into life and learn to be able to deal with the stresses of daily life. I can't live in my house with church music playing all day and never go anywhere. Just like Cameron needs to learn to function in society, I do too. So, I am learning and being stretched again... growing and being challenged in experiencing daily stress, like the rest of the world. (Yes, I am pretty sure I have a disorder too). :) I have even thought about getting on some medication (which is SO NOT like me). But just to help with my anxiety, stress, and depression. Yes, I admitted it. I have struggled with depression my entire life. I just don't think I ever realized it until recently. I am struggling with not being perfect, having my house picked up and dishes done all of the time. But when I have a 2 1/2 year old, screaming while I am holding her (and even when she isn't screaming and fighting me), I find it hard to get much done with her on the front of me. When I'm not pouching her, I am usually feeding Avery or pouching her, or just taking a break. So I am not nearly as caught up on my house as I'd like to be. In fact, my laundry has been sitting on my couch for like 2 days, waiting to be folded, with another load in the dryer, waiting to be taken out and folded.

So overall, we are adjusting. Cameron is working through the change of moving here and has had some stomach aches, which I am almost POSITIVE are linked to his anxiety. But overall, he is doing pretty well, and functioning pretty well at school.

I still have so much hope for him, with all of the progress I have seen over the past year. I am so grateful to be in Utah where we have a little more support. I know I am doing things differently (some people actually think it's crazy), but I know it is what is best for my family. :) That's all that matters.