we have had a lot of miracles since we have been home. i wish i would have written them down as they happened. i did find an email i sent to kasey about one miracle i watched happen. i want to have it documented for this journal.
cameron was working on some math today. he got two problems incorrect and freaked about it. started crying, getting mad that i told him they weren't correct. he blamed himself and said how stupid he was and how he always gets things wrong. when he tried to "boss" me about it, saying he knew they weren't incorrect, i said something like, "are you telling me that you are right, and the book is wrong?" he said, "no." i talked to him about how we don't have to be perfect, and it's okay to have to correct work. after he calmed down and corrected the simple errors, he said to me, "mom, when you said, 'are you telling me that you are right and the book is wrong?', "i felt kind of stupid." it felt so sincere from him! i pulled him in my arms and told him i was sorry and my intention was not to make him feel stupid. i told him i loved him and he was not stupid at all and that he didn't have to feel that way. he got big tears in his eyes and burst into tears. it was SO sincere! we hugged for a while and i told him everything was okay and told him how good it was to share feelings politely, rather than acting them out and getting so angry and letting it ruin his day.
a few minutes after, he went to eat lunch, and came back and asked if he could just go lay on his bed for a while. i asked if he needed a break, and he said, yes. he went in his room and laid in bed for a few minutes, came back out and came straight to me and gave me a hug. i was a little worried he was trying to manipulate. but when he asked a moment later to color a picture, i said i wanted him to do one more sheet of math... he said, "yes mom" and was happy to do it. i then tested him... i told him we were going to do the art activity after quiet time (he was a little upset earlier when i told him he might have to wait until after quiet time)... he said, "okay mom" and went on with his math!
what??!?!?! this was a miracle! the fact that he pulled himself out of his kind of "fit," and then ASKED to go to his room to rest... and then was willing to work on what i wanted him to when he came out! amazing!!!!!!! and we got some great bonding in there during all of it. so cute!!!!
just thought i'd share. i hope i did okay! i felt it was so sincere from him... he really was feeling sad and expressed that. LOVE IT!
now to some of you, this may seem ridiculous. but you have to understand that this was a HUGE step for cameron. normally, when he starts to have meltdowns about things, he goes into a screaming fit or rage, blaming me (which he did a little bit of, but he also blamed himself, which RARELY happens and is great for him), and i normally have to tell him he needs to go rest on his bed or lay on a blanket to relax. that usually (or used to) make him even MORE mad, and he'd scream and yell and freak out even more. then he would be mad for hours and sometimes days... where he couldn't snap out of his "funk" and wouldn't care about doing anything, wouldn't want to do anything he was asked to do, etc. so, the fact that HE asked to go to his room was AMAZING! he knew he was getting frustrated and rather than blowing, he knew he needed to just take a break and go be alone. SO GOOD!!!!
we have had a few other miracles, like cameron getting sick! now most mom's wouldn't be excited about this. (and usually, i'm not excited about it either). but when cameron gets sick, i get EXCITED! kids with rad hardly EVER get sick. and if they do, it's like a tiny stuffy nose for a day. (at least for cameron). the rest of the house could be down and out, and he is still running around like a maniac (before we went to new hope, of course). but tyler brought a nasty chest cold home from work and cameron got it!!!! the ladies at new hope say that it's a great sign when they start to get sick. it means they are healing. they start to actually be somewhat in tune with their bodies to know they are sick and allow their body to be sick. cameron actually had a low-grade fever for 2 days! 2 days!!! i cannot even remember the last time cameron had a fever. maybe when he was about a year old with his 8th ear infection. honestly. that's probably the last time he had a fever! with this chest cough, he laid on the couch for a day and a half. that was a miracle!
we have also had some great, tender, bonding moments since we got home. i can't think of an specifics (dang it) but he has been so cute with me. lots of little things... kissing me randomly on the cheek or the hand, rubbing my arm, just little signs of affection that he NEVER did before, unless he wanted something to go his way. it's so weird to have him giving me random bits of affection, but i am LOVING it! it's so cute and so sincere!
so, in other news (we have had a lot going on here), we are moving. TO UTAH! i never thought i'd be excited to say that. but i am. the reason? two words for you. new hope.
when i was in utah, i had such a strong impression (several actually) that we needed to be in utah. cameron needed to be in new hope 2, i needed to become more involved at new hope, etc. we needed to get there. yeah, it sounded nice. but did i really think it was going to happen? i doubted it big time!
while i was in utah, i got onto tyler's company's website and looked up job openings, only to find an opening for an RTL (rehab team leader- which is what tyler does up here... basically, manages the rehab team at a nursing home), at a brand new facility in south jordan. a NON-NURSING HOME! just a short-term rehab center where patients come after being at a hospital, before they are ready to go home. i emailed the job listing to tyler and said something like, "i really feel like you should look into this." he felt he should to, and pursued it.
a few weeks later, he came down to pick me and the kids up in utah to help us drive back home, (don't i have an awesome man?) and he arranged to have an interview at the facility for the job. he had been told they couldn't make any promises and that they had a TON of applicants. his interview lasted 2 1/2 hours and two days later, we drove home to washington. we were SO anxious for several weeks, while we waited to hear back about the job. i was pretty optimistic about it (which is weird, because i tend to be a pessimist) but as the days passed, i grew more pessimistic and doubted tyler would be offered the job. but, about 2 weeks ago, his company called, with an offer for him, saying the facility (who is owned by a different company than tyler works for... his company is just contracted in to do their rehab for them), really wanted to hire him and was really impressed with him. bummer part is, we are taking a big pay cut. over 10%. huge bummer. utah is really easy for them to recruit to... pasco, washington on the other hand... super hard to recruit to! therefore, they pay way more in pasco than they do in utah. but we have felt all along that we would be moving and that we would be taking this job, regardless of the pay. so after some negotiations (their original offer was more like a 13% pay cut), we accepted and we are leaving in about 3 weeks. still no place to live. but we are going.
we have a lot of mixed emotions right now... at least i do. i am obviously bummed about taking a pay cut... and not sure how that is even going to work out. cost of living in the salt lake area is quite a bit more than the tri-cities, and we will be spending more in general on gas and going to and from new hope. but we really feel peace about our decision and know it is what is best. we feel like a whole new set of trials await us in utah. one of the biggest being, friends and family. it has actually been quite nice to be here, secluded in pasco, where we can live our life and not many people question us about the why's, how's and when's of what we do with cameron. it's quite complicated stuff, and very hard to understand. especially if you have any sort of "attachment" to cameron. so we will be dealing with that square in the face. if cameron is going to heal, he cannot be around anyone that will let him manipulate in any way, shape, or form (especially at first). it is me (his mom) that he is trying to build trust with. so if anyone gives him ANYTHING that his mom won't normally give him OR they don't ask me first, he literally believes he is manipulating them to get it. i have been pretty stressed about being around family members because to cameron, the smallest thing is manipulating for him. like, getting a hug from someone. cameron knows that right now, it's best for mom and dad to be in charge of affection (one of his biggest ways to manipulate). so, if he see's a grandma or aunt and they come and give him a hug, deep inside, he thinks he just controlled them into giving him a hug with his charm. i know, it sounds insane. i didn't believe it either. until i saw him using affection with others day in and day out to push me away, hurt my feelings, win over others. he loves to "engage" people... if he can get you to give him any sort of attention (if he looks over at you and smiles and you come over and talk to him), in his mind, he manipulated that. so, i know how ridiculous that sounds... so let me illustrate a conversation i had with cameron a few days ago...
cameron was in a really good place. he wasn't being manipulative, he was happy. so i decided to try something... i asked him what manipulating means. he gave me a response that was something like this:
"when i ask someone for something that my mom doesn't know about or without asking her first."
hmmmm...
my next question, "who let's you manipulate?"
he then listed off just about every person's name in our extended family. aunts, uncles, grandma's, grandpa's, etc. he even gave EXAMPLES as to when he had manipulated them. i asked him if kasey and lauralee let him manipulate. his response?
"no."
i just kind of sat there and listened (thinking inside, "oh my word") and then casually changed the subject.
so do you see how unhealthy that is for him? if he has an addiction to controlling others and situations around him, it wouldn't be healthy for him to be around people on a regular basis that allow any sort of control. now, as a grandma, grandpa, aunt, uncle, whoever, it is very hard. you have to give up what you want to do. you have to give up what makes sense (because you just need to love them more if they have problems, right?) wrong. not for rad. you have to give up what you want, for what is best for the child. it plain stinks sometimes. but the miracles we have witnessed in doing this at home has been well worth the trial. cameron is in the process of attaching to me as his mother. this single relationship between a child and his mother will affect ALL OTHER RELATIONSHIPS IN THE FUTURE! if the child cannot trust the mother, he will trust no one. so we are trying to help him from the beginning, most basic relationship, so that he can have healthy relationships in the future. the road to getting there is not an easy one though. not at all.
okay, i'm rambling.
on another note (so i can ramble some more), this new hope 2 thing is tough for me. very humbling actually. it's not nearly as "black and white" as new hope 1 was. consequences for everything. very basic. it was my comfort zone. i got the the point where i felt like, "wow. i am a completely different mom. i feel like i am calm, collected, so nice to my kids all the time, never raise my voice." i loved it. well, new hope 2 brings on some stress. some, not so black and white, and "real life" mixed in. me and stress don't do so well together. so i am making mistakes, i have raised my voice, i am not perfect. i have been frustrated way more than i was before. but like kasey told me, perfect is not healthy and doesn't work. so it is so good for me to be getting bits and pieces of real life back in, so i can learn to deal with all of it. (remember how i told you, this journey is just as much for me as it is cameron. actually, it's more for me than him). so, no one has been quite as settled since we got home... and neither have i. the stress and unknowns of moving, packing, going to rad camp in a few weeks (and then leaving two days later to move to utah), sick kids, etc., has been so tough for me to remain "centered," calm, etc. but it's real life, right? if i have everything perfect and calm and quiet all of the time, how on earth would my kids ever learn how to deal with life when they get outside of the home? we all have to learn how to cope with it and adjust to different circumstances.
okay. i'm done i think. but my next goal is to write down my story. i'm talking details. everything i can remember. what things contributed to cameron having rad, what life was like with cameron as a baby, toddler, etc.... for those people who may be concerned their child doesn't have a healthy attachment... things to watch for. because these kids get worse with age. and they don't "grow out of it" like other kids do. i want to document everything i can remember about life before we found help. i'll even post stories on here that are on my family blog about getting kicked out of stores, yelled at, lectured by people about how to discipline cameron. (those are fun). :)
sorry this post wasn't put together well. i just haven't been on top of the blog but wanted to write about several things. so wish me luck the next few weeks... packing and moving my family's and my life down to utah for our next adventure!
we have a lot of mixed emotions right now... at least i do. i am obviously bummed about taking a pay cut... and not sure how that is even going to work out. cost of living in the salt lake area is quite a bit more than the tri-cities, and we will be spending more in general on gas and going to and from new hope. but we really feel peace about our decision and know it is what is best. we feel like a whole new set of trials await us in utah. one of the biggest being, friends and family. it has actually been quite nice to be here, secluded in pasco, where we can live our life and not many people question us about the why's, how's and when's of what we do with cameron. it's quite complicated stuff, and very hard to understand. especially if you have any sort of "attachment" to cameron. so we will be dealing with that square in the face. if cameron is going to heal, he cannot be around anyone that will let him manipulate in any way, shape, or form (especially at first). it is me (his mom) that he is trying to build trust with. so if anyone gives him ANYTHING that his mom won't normally give him OR they don't ask me first, he literally believes he is manipulating them to get it. i have been pretty stressed about being around family members because to cameron, the smallest thing is manipulating for him. like, getting a hug from someone. cameron knows that right now, it's best for mom and dad to be in charge of affection (one of his biggest ways to manipulate). so, if he see's a grandma or aunt and they come and give him a hug, deep inside, he thinks he just controlled them into giving him a hug with his charm. i know, it sounds insane. i didn't believe it either. until i saw him using affection with others day in and day out to push me away, hurt my feelings, win over others. he loves to "engage" people... if he can get you to give him any sort of attention (if he looks over at you and smiles and you come over and talk to him), in his mind, he manipulated that. so, i know how ridiculous that sounds... so let me illustrate a conversation i had with cameron a few days ago...
cameron was in a really good place. he wasn't being manipulative, he was happy. so i decided to try something... i asked him what manipulating means. he gave me a response that was something like this:
"when i ask someone for something that my mom doesn't know about or without asking her first."
hmmmm...
my next question, "who let's you manipulate?"
he then listed off just about every person's name in our extended family. aunts, uncles, grandma's, grandpa's, etc. he even gave EXAMPLES as to when he had manipulated them. i asked him if kasey and lauralee let him manipulate. his response?
"no."
i just kind of sat there and listened (thinking inside, "oh my word") and then casually changed the subject.
so do you see how unhealthy that is for him? if he has an addiction to controlling others and situations around him, it wouldn't be healthy for him to be around people on a regular basis that allow any sort of control. now, as a grandma, grandpa, aunt, uncle, whoever, it is very hard. you have to give up what you want to do. you have to give up what makes sense (because you just need to love them more if they have problems, right?) wrong. not for rad. you have to give up what you want, for what is best for the child. it plain stinks sometimes. but the miracles we have witnessed in doing this at home has been well worth the trial. cameron is in the process of attaching to me as his mother. this single relationship between a child and his mother will affect ALL OTHER RELATIONSHIPS IN THE FUTURE! if the child cannot trust the mother, he will trust no one. so we are trying to help him from the beginning, most basic relationship, so that he can have healthy relationships in the future. the road to getting there is not an easy one though. not at all.
okay, i'm rambling.
on another note (so i can ramble some more), this new hope 2 thing is tough for me. very humbling actually. it's not nearly as "black and white" as new hope 1 was. consequences for everything. very basic. it was my comfort zone. i got the the point where i felt like, "wow. i am a completely different mom. i feel like i am calm, collected, so nice to my kids all the time, never raise my voice." i loved it. well, new hope 2 brings on some stress. some, not so black and white, and "real life" mixed in. me and stress don't do so well together. so i am making mistakes, i have raised my voice, i am not perfect. i have been frustrated way more than i was before. but like kasey told me, perfect is not healthy and doesn't work. so it is so good for me to be getting bits and pieces of real life back in, so i can learn to deal with all of it. (remember how i told you, this journey is just as much for me as it is cameron. actually, it's more for me than him). so, no one has been quite as settled since we got home... and neither have i. the stress and unknowns of moving, packing, going to rad camp in a few weeks (and then leaving two days later to move to utah), sick kids, etc., has been so tough for me to remain "centered," calm, etc. but it's real life, right? if i have everything perfect and calm and quiet all of the time, how on earth would my kids ever learn how to deal with life when they get outside of the home? we all have to learn how to cope with it and adjust to different circumstances.
okay. i'm done i think. but my next goal is to write down my story. i'm talking details. everything i can remember. what things contributed to cameron having rad, what life was like with cameron as a baby, toddler, etc.... for those people who may be concerned their child doesn't have a healthy attachment... things to watch for. because these kids get worse with age. and they don't "grow out of it" like other kids do. i want to document everything i can remember about life before we found help. i'll even post stories on here that are on my family blog about getting kicked out of stores, yelled at, lectured by people about how to discipline cameron. (those are fun). :)
sorry this post wasn't put together well. i just haven't been on top of the blog but wanted to write about several things. so wish me luck the next few weeks... packing and moving my family's and my life down to utah for our next adventure!
that's great that he's having little miracles like this. it must mean he's on the road to recovery. we will help in any way we can when you guys move here.
ReplyDeleteWelcome to Salt Lake City!!! :) It's not my favorite either...but, after much consideration, I've really come to love this place. I hope you and the family settle nicely here and that all works out for the kids! Let me know if I can ever help with anything!
ReplyDelete